Part 1
When I was a girl, I wanted to be an artist. I had thought through how I would like my life to be, even visualised a typical day. I followed my dream in the formal way, GCSE, A Level, University Degree. Then I realised that I wasn’t actually that good at “art” and terrible at being an “artist”. I really didn’t have anything else in mind to do, so I bumbled around various shops and temporary employment and accidentally found a desk job. The hideousness of this forced me to rethink my future and revisit my hopes and dreams.
Part 2
As unlikely as it may sound, I decided I wanted to work in Museums (some people find museums boring whereas I had always escaped from the present day into history and Museum collections). I buried myself in this new ambition and didn’t really lift my head again for a good few years and midst museum career.
Part 3
While my thirties rambled away a new vision crept in, a kind of life opposite to that I had. I wanted a family. I wanted a husband to adore and be adored by, I wanted a home and children. I wanted a home teeming with children and I my biggest concern would be their happy upbringing. I met a man, he became my husband and a beautiful baby boy followed. Unfortunately along with my boy came post natal depression. As the boy turned 1 I was waving goodbye to PND and enjoying my life as mum, reveling in everything he did and looking forward to his next steps. I feel recovered. I do not have PND anymore but I am still trying to get my head around the scars it has left behind. I had planned out my life and if I was following my plan I would have 2 children by now, but my life has changed. For many reasons, not the least being PND, I don’t want anymore children. I am mourning the wonderful life I had dreamed of and must come to terms with the fact that my hopes and dreams have not quite been fulfilled, and probably never will. I must not dwell on the regret I have that I didn’t look down at my beautiful baby and think “you are my beautiful baby” that I will never think that was the most wonderful moment in my life. Those days are over, they’re gone and I can never have them again and I must not dwell on them. I think that, in the most positive way, my boy is enough for me. So I now have to tweak my dream, make plans for what I should do when he goes to school, create a another new typical day, reset my hopes and dreams…
Part 4
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Interesting how life progresses.
yes, interesting, exciting, heartbreaking and regretful all rolled into one! Thanks for reading.
My pleasure.
I love the snow on your blog!
I wanted to contact you about a guest post but not sure how – maybe you could email me if you have a moment? I’m catdean76 at yahoo dot co dot uk. x
hi there, thanks, I’ve sent you an email so you can reply to it.
Not sure where the snow came from, last year I had to activate in appearance I think – must be a hang over from then!!
I love this post. And I love that part 4 has a big question mark next to it, which is quite exciting really. The unknown, plans, what’s around the corner – these are all things felt keenly at this time of year. I can’t remember what my own plans were five years ago, but I know life has a habit of throwing up things that tend to put plans out of the window. That said, I have big plans for 2013, Happy New Year!
Thanks for this, Happy New Year!
I wish I did have plans (even if they don’t come “true”) What’s next for me is a real ? good luck with yours x